Adult Work Questions & Answers from my Reddit AMA – Part 1

Part one in a three part series! If you want to read the full AMA, including the responses of the other wonderful ladies I was answering questions with, click here.
1. What makes someone a great buyer of your services? How do you want a buyer to behave and interact with you in order to have the best possible experience as a seller?

I only have a few requirements, but they make a huge difference.

– Read the provided info prior to contacting me. Sure, it may seem like a lot of information, but I can guarantee it will be faster for you to read it through than to ask me twenty questions that are already answered on my website, in my subreddit, on my profile, etc. That info is there for a reason.

– Know what you want before contacting me. So much time gets lost when guys hum and haw about whether or not they want the video to be 10 or 15 minutes, whether or not they want to pay extra for me to include body oil, etc. Alternately, if you’re unsure of something, being upfront and asking first saves us both time in the long run. Don’t wait until the last minute to be like, “Oh, by the way, do you do xyz?” and then cancel the whole order when I say no.

– Don’t haggle. Don’t barter. Don’t whine about my rates. If you can’t afford me, save up or go find someone whose prices are in your budget. The value of my time is not dictated by the size of your wallet. I’d never walk into Guess and beg them to sell me a $150 dress for $25.

What it all comes down to is being respectful and concise. That’s all it takes to be a great buyer.

2. What drove your decision to put yourself out there so your fans could see 100% of you….and the feeling you went through (if any) to make that decision?

I started doing alt/nude/fetish modeling (small-time) before I ever got into camming, so the idea of not showing face never even really occurred to me when I first started. I also started on camsites before ever getting into selling on Reddit, and most camsites require face to be shown.

I don’t regret showing face. I know that my plans/goals for the future will not be affected by my work, and I have no shame in what I do, so I feel no reason to hide. I understand there are safety issues to consider, but if someone is unwilling to take that risk, I firmly believe they should not be in this industry at all. Even those who don’t show face can be found. I completely respect the choice of sellers who do not show face, though. They’re accepting of the risks while still taking as many precautions as possible, which is fair.

3. What’s the worst thing about working in adult entertainment?

Probably the entitlement of some people who want/expect our time for free. It can be really exhausting sometimes, being treated like we owe someone a piece of ourselves simply because they want it. I offer a lot of free content as means of self-promotion, but everything I share for free is posted at my own discretion. For some people, that’s not good enough.

Stereotypes are a close second. I don’t do drugs, I have good self-esteem, and I genuinely enjoy my work. It’s not an act of desperation, lack of self-worth, or anything like that, but there are people out there who treat me like I need rescuing. Apparently the advice of turning what you love into a career doesn’t apply when what you love is sexual in any way, shape or form.

4. do you find that most girls get burned out after a few months?

I don’t really pay enough attention to other sellers to make an accurate observation, but I have no doubt that it happens. I’ve burnt myself out before and had to take a break to refresh.

5. Curious about the responses you got from friends/family (and maybe more specifically partners)? Assuming they (or some) know about you doing this kind of work.

This was actually discussed among sellers a few days before the AMA, so I just copied and pasted my answer from there.

I’m pretty much completely out and have always showed full face. My friends and family know, with the exception of some semi-conservative aunts/uncles/grandparents that I’m not particularly close to.

My mom took a while to adjust to what I do. She never judged me for it, but worried that I was doing it for the wrong reasons (I deal with severe depression) and just wanted me to be okay. It took about a year for her to really realize that this job is a positive for me. Now she loves hearing funny stories from work and has actually offered ideas for a couple projects I’ve told her I was working on. She gave me an idea for a slave task once, and more recently suggested I rub myself down with body oil before covering myself with chocolate sauce and whipped cream for a W&M custom vid because the sauces would slip around more that way.

I was actually quite impressed with how my dad handled it when I told him. We’ve had a rocky past but I know how much he loves/cares for me and I definitely expected a much more aggressively protective response. We were talking on the phone one night when I decided to tell him I was getting a boob job. He humorously said, “As long as you’re not going to be a stripper!” and I said, “Welll…….. I actually did that already, and now I’m doing something similar online.” He was shocked, I’m sure, but now he just checks in to make sure I’m handling my earnings responsibly. Other than his initial shock, he doesn’t seem to have much of an opinion on what I do.

I don’t remember how I told anyone else in my family, but no one’s reacted badly. One uncle I am close to is even my accountant.

I’ve received varying responses from friends and acquaintances over the years. Most were curious about the work and asked some questions but never treated me differently. A rare few definitely objectified me fairly blatantly upon finding out what I do. I put them in their place pretty quickly. Some apologized and we moved on. Most just kind of gave up on being around me, which I didn’t mind since I’m not interested in friendships that are conditional on my willingness to be sexually involved with them. I do have some friends who have also purchased shows/videos from me. They’ve never tried to get freebies or discounts, and I’m grateful for that.

The biggest difference I noticed was when meeting new people. Most guys I meet at bars or social outings/events seem to flip some internal switch when I tell them what I do, as if I somehow transform from an interesting person to nothing but a conquest. It’s a good bullshit filter in that regard. I occasionally lie to new people about what I do if I think they wouldn’t be comfortable with it, mostly in order to avoid the awkward conversation. I’m not really concerned about whether or not people look down on me for what I do; I just have better things to do than listen to their shitty opinions.

When it comes to romantic relationships, I did have one bad experience with an ex, but I chalk a lot of it up to his own mental health issues. He bragged about my job a lot to his friends when we first started dating (I became really close with his friends and they later told me everything), to the point where it made them uncomfortable because they felt like he didn’t value anything else about me. They also knew nothing else about me until they met me because he just didn’t tell them about anything else. Throughout our relationship, he struggled with jealousy and was very nitpicky about how I talked about work. If I mentioned a show I did, he wanted me to say “he paid for x” instead of “we did x”. When I finally ended the relationship, he slut-shamed me all over Facebook for my work, calling me filthy, disgusting, etc. My other partners have never really cared. One of them I made a few vids with.

All things considered, I’m happy I came out. I don’t believe I have anything to be ashamed of, and want my life choices to reflect that. I also intend on being self-employed for the rest of my life and have other independent business projects either in the works or planned out for the future, so I’m not concerned about how this will affect my future career-wise.

6. Do you do sexual things in real life you don’t do online?

Absolutely! I find my sexual interests to be very contextual – There are a plethora of things that appeal to me online that I have no interest in being part of in real life, and vice-versa. Nothing is ever faked on either side, though.

7. What is your feeling on legal sex sales in the United States? I personally feel by making it illegal your making the problems worse then better. Would you like to see sex and sexual services be legal for sale? Do you have any thoughts on how it would make your life better?

I’m in Canada, but I’ll still toss in my two cents!

I believe very much that making sex work legal would make it easier to regulate and thus easier to keep safe. I don’t personally offer any services in person, and online sex work is legal (I pay taxes and everything) so legalizing sex work wouldn’t affect me personally, but I think people have the right to do with their own bodies as they wish, and they have the right to have a safe manner in which to do it.

8. What level of interaction do you prefer from buyers (outside of any sessions)? And related to that: What would definitely NOT be okay to say/ask?

Generally speaking, I prefer to keep interaction outside of sessions fairly professional. If someone publicly compliments me on something I’ve posted, that’s excellent, but if they want to chat I prefer that they consider a Girlfriend Experience.

Having said that, I do have a very small handful of regulars who I often chat with outside of sessions. I enjoy their company and feel they have more than earned a few extra minutes here and there for their loyalty and respect. These people never ask for my time for free, though. Anyone who asks for it tends to never become someone who gets it.

A lot of guys ask if I’ll make videos with them, which is super annoying. Not only do I only do solo content, if I were ever to consider doing content with other people again (did it once with an ex) it would not be with some complete stranger from the internet. I have plenty of close friends I would rather work with if I ever decided to go that route.

9. What are some common misconceptions about the adult industry that you would like Reddit and or the general public to know about?

Two things come to mind immediately, but there are dozens more floating around in my sleepy brain right now.
Being in this industry is not always (rarely, even) the result of “daddy issues”, desperation, drug use, or low self-esteem.
Being in this industry is not typically fast or easy cash (though it can be, somedays). It is time-consuming, and it is hard work.

10. Do you have any regrets from when you first started, or something you wished you would have done differently?

I preach this all the time, but research research research. I got ripped off on LiveJasmin when I was new because I had no clue that fake tipping was a thing. Also, don’t feed the trolls! They thrive on your attention, anger, discomfort, fear, etc. If someone is trying to get a rise out of you, block, ignore, report, take a break, whatever – But don’t engage.

11. Is selling services on Reddit/online your primary jobs, or do you all have a full time job you do? And how do you respond to people who ask you what you do for a living?

This has been my full-time job for almost 5 years. It started as just camming on one live streaming site and has steadily expanded overtime. I now offer so many services beyond live streaming sites that I only do two “shifts” per week, making most of my money with pre-booked sessions and custom video content.

More often than not, I’m honest about what I do for a living. I’ve received more favorable reactions than not, though it can irk me when a guy’s perspective of me very obviously shifts from “cool person” to “conquest” when I tell them this is my job.

Occasionally I just tell people I run a small jewelry making business from home, but that’s only when I feel like telling the truth would not be beneficial. Some people are more conservative and I try to respect the fact that mentioning my actual job may make them uncomfortable (or inspire them to preach things I don’t really care to hear).

I’ll be putting together two more videos/Q&A sets from the Reddit AMA, so stay tuned!
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